I'm going to need to give up on this whole port forwarding thing. I've spent a couple of hours fiddling with all the settings, rebooting my router multiple times, etc, and this just plain isn't working. I suspect that the issue is that my IP isn't actually static .. that it's actually DHCP assigned (even though it's remained unchanged for the past 4 months). I really just need something like ngrok that I can run directly on the Onion, but I guess I'm out of luck. Thanks for your help everyone. Have a great weekend.
Go-to resource for frequently asked technical questions
If you're using an Omega2 or Omega2+ without an Omega2 Dock and it's not successfully booting, it's a 99.99% chance that your power supply is the culprit.
There will be current consumption spikes during the Omega's boot, especially when the WiFi radio is being enabled. If the power supply cannot keep up, the Omega will not be able to complete the boot process.
We strongly recommend getting a Dock for your Omega to get the best experience and most performance, functionality, and stability from your device.
If you would like to stick with your no Dock setup, see this documentation article for our recommended power supply circuit: http://docs.onion.io/omega2-docs/hardware-prep-no-dock.html